Time has past....

Yes I’m still here and yes it’s been a long time since my last post. I guess that I just needed sometime to allow myself to catch-up with life. I’ve been through a lot over the last year and have not written about any of it because I just wanted to hide. You see I thought I was much stronger than I turned out to be in the long run. I lost the house and just about everything else. I was very lucky to have a great friend who manages a property in the city. He was able to get me into a super apartment which I love. I sold just about everything I could in that house and kept the things that mattered the most to me. I took the memories with me and will never loose those. Around July, when I returned to work is when my nicely spun web just started to fray at the edges. I knew that I would never be able to stay in the house on the salary I was making and came to a realization that deep down I really did not want to either. I ended up filling for chapter 7 and washed everything down the drain. Now I’m not proud of what I had to do, but like millions of other Americans who lost their jobs due to the economic conditions I could no longer make it work.

Just about the same time I was planning for my great escape and the move that would become my new lease on life, I started having major anxiety attacks. Which I have never experienced in my life. You all know me as the person in control over myself and others at times (ha,ha). Needless to say after visiting my doctor I was given some great drugs which have helped. However I have to be honest, I really think that when all this went down I finally faced the fact that Jamie was gone and loosing him just hit home as well. It only took over a year but it was just another part of me that finally let go and started understanding what had happened and what was going to happen next.

On top of all these things going on I went back to school and made my move. Yes I went back to school, I know it seems like just too much to under take considering my state of mind however it has allowed me to really re-focus some of my energy and time. Hershey and I love the new place (in Buckhead of course) and we have great neighbors. The thing I love the most is one of my oldest and dearest friends lives in the building and him and his partner have been a great support for me. I truly love the both of them and I’m very grateful for all that they do. Its a new day for me each and everyday and I still wonder and panic over the littlest things, however its getting better with time. I know that this is not something that will just go away and that I need to work at it. Which I do and will continue to do so everyday.

My social life on the other hand is at best a bad joke. My work schedule is normally screwy so I don’t get to see my skating buddies much anymore, however I’m working on getting that changed. Yes I did say skating, that would be roller skating not ice skating. I love to skate and it allows me to escape from the world for a few hours and just let go and have fun. I’ve dropped down to about 187 pounds and for those of you that know me its going from and 18.5 shirt down to a 15, it had happened over the last 12 months or so and the doctor said its got to do with my anxiety. All I know is that I feel great and look a lot better. Its nice not carrying around all that weight (about 23 pounds less).

I can say that not having my family (mom and dad) so close has been difficult, however I talk to my Mom almost everyday. This has been a blessing and we have grown a lot closer which I never thought we could because we were so close already.

Well I guess that for now this is more than enough chatting. I will be posting more often again as it helps me express how I’m feeling and keeps everyone updated on where I’m hiding. Oh by the way, I’m not hiding anymore and I’m looking forward to seeing everyone over the summer.

Allow me to leave you with one of my favorite quotes…

“Things do not change; we change.” Henry David Thoreau