Another Exciting Week...

Did I actually say "Exciting?" Well on some levels I would have to say that it really was exciting.

Monday I was able to catch-up with my Skating Family. It was absolutely wonderful seeing everyone. It was too long since my last visit and I really needed to skate (how I miss doing that every week) and of course lets not forget seeing everyone which is really the main reason I go skating anyhow.

I also went to see one of my friends Deb who unfortunately was not at work as planned due to a family friend passing away. I'm hoping we get a chance in the very near future to get our schedules aligned so that we can meet-up.

I worked as usual and this week, however I had my two days off together. It was nice getting what seemed liked a long weekend. I had lunch with my friend Michael on Friday, we sat and chatted for hours on end. It was nice to talk with someone who has been down the same road as myself. He lost his partner about 7 years ago and it has taken him a lot longer to find himself and be able to move on. I know that everyone always offers an ear to me and all of you are so kind and caring all the time. But spending the time on Friday talking with someone who has been in my situation really helped me to understand that I was not alone (not that I every have been alone, not with so many great friends) but this connection is just different. This is about having someone around that can say that they understand what I have gone through and what I'm still experiencing because they too have lived through it.

For those of you who don't know who Michael is, he is my best friends husband. In my last post I talked about how much they both have supported me since I've moved into the new apartment (that's of course because they live 9 floors up). I love them both so dearly and thank god that I'm blessed to have them in my life. As I do with all my friends, one thing that I have learned over the years is that your friends are one of a kind and each brings something different to your life. Some will make you laugh others will make you mad, but no matter what they say or do they are part of your life and they have a profound affect on you as an individual.

Life provides us with the opportunity to experience so many different things; the major issue is that we as humans are afraid of what we are unsure of and we don't like change. Change is something we all should embrace. I have a very dear friend who embraces change so much; ask him about how much he likes change, well at least the change that involves purchasing a new car(s). Sorry honey, I could not resist you know that I love you more than words.

We need to understand that we have one chance at life and while it does not always seem fair its what we have and we need to embrace it and take it for what its worth. What's its value? The value is that we were given a chance to live and experience what the world around has to offer. Enjoy what you have and make the most of it everyday. We all have good days and we all have bad days, in the end its about what you do with them and how you react to them.

Once again I'm babbling on. So before you start falling asleep, let me leave you with yet another of my favorite quotes:

Life is nothing without friendship.....Marcus Tullius Cicero

Someday....

Today I was listening to my ipod in the car and a song by Rob Thomas played; its called someday. I listen very closely to the lyrics and realized that this song was very apropos for how I'm feeling right now. Allow me to share with you the lyrics:

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

I don’t wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

‘Cuz maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just to feel better now
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

‘Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again

‘Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again

If you get a chance to listen to it you'll really appreciate it more. I think we all need a song to help guide us or describe who we are at heart. At this very moment this one fits where I'm at in this world. I know that someday soon things will change and I will be better off, its just a matter of time.

I have missed posting and letting my guard down so to speak with everyone, its just been as I have stated before something that I kept bottled up inside and really just hoped would go away. Wrong! It never goes away you just need to learn to deal with it.

Life is currently in the process of tossing me some new challenges, ones that I really think that I might enjoy. But my outlook is sunny and my heart is filled with hope and joy. That is the only thing that I could ask for right now.

Time has a way of passing so quickly, we all need to slow down just a little and enjoy what we have and each other. There is nothing more important in life than the people who share it with us, it our partners, husbands, wife's, children, parents or even our friends. They all play a special role in who we are and what we become.

As I normally do let me leave you with a quote:

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.....Helen Keller

Time has past....

Yes I’m still here and yes it’s been a long time since my last post. I guess that I just needed sometime to allow myself to catch-up with life. I’ve been through a lot over the last year and have not written about any of it because I just wanted to hide. You see I thought I was much stronger than I turned out to be in the long run. I lost the house and just about everything else. I was very lucky to have a great friend who manages a property in the city. He was able to get me into a super apartment which I love. I sold just about everything I could in that house and kept the things that mattered the most to me. I took the memories with me and will never loose those. Around July, when I returned to work is when my nicely spun web just started to fray at the edges. I knew that I would never be able to stay in the house on the salary I was making and came to a realization that deep down I really did not want to either. I ended up filling for chapter 7 and washed everything down the drain. Now I’m not proud of what I had to do, but like millions of other Americans who lost their jobs due to the economic conditions I could no longer make it work.

Just about the same time I was planning for my great escape and the move that would become my new lease on life, I started having major anxiety attacks. Which I have never experienced in my life. You all know me as the person in control over myself and others at times (ha,ha). Needless to say after visiting my doctor I was given some great drugs which have helped. However I have to be honest, I really think that when all this went down I finally faced the fact that Jamie was gone and loosing him just hit home as well. It only took over a year but it was just another part of me that finally let go and started understanding what had happened and what was going to happen next.

On top of all these things going on I went back to school and made my move. Yes I went back to school, I know it seems like just too much to under take considering my state of mind however it has allowed me to really re-focus some of my energy and time. Hershey and I love the new place (in Buckhead of course) and we have great neighbors. The thing I love the most is one of my oldest and dearest friends lives in the building and him and his partner have been a great support for me. I truly love the both of them and I’m very grateful for all that they do. Its a new day for me each and everyday and I still wonder and panic over the littlest things, however its getting better with time. I know that this is not something that will just go away and that I need to work at it. Which I do and will continue to do so everyday.

My social life on the other hand is at best a bad joke. My work schedule is normally screwy so I don’t get to see my skating buddies much anymore, however I’m working on getting that changed. Yes I did say skating, that would be roller skating not ice skating. I love to skate and it allows me to escape from the world for a few hours and just let go and have fun. I’ve dropped down to about 187 pounds and for those of you that know me its going from and 18.5 shirt down to a 15, it had happened over the last 12 months or so and the doctor said its got to do with my anxiety. All I know is that I feel great and look a lot better. Its nice not carrying around all that weight (about 23 pounds less).

I can say that not having my family (mom and dad) so close has been difficult, however I talk to my Mom almost everyday. This has been a blessing and we have grown a lot closer which I never thought we could because we were so close already.

Well I guess that for now this is more than enough chatting. I will be posting more often again as it helps me express how I’m feeling and keeps everyone updated on where I’m hiding. Oh by the way, I’m not hiding anymore and I’m looking forward to seeing everyone over the summer.

Allow me to leave you with one of my favorite quotes…

“Things do not change; we change.” Henry David Thoreau